Ok! Thinking caps on again. I have now entered a whole new emotional state prompted by this headline on the BBC website:
“Police visit two top IVF clinics”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6225951.stm
The best I can come up with for this mixture of anger, panic, and upset is “grrrrrrrief”.
You, dear readers, are the most sensitive and literate people I know. I need your help devising a neologism. I would like a word for the feeling that you get when you are watching the television and see that tomorrow night there will be an “undercover expose” centred on hideously expensive private IVF clinic that your wife has persuaded you to attend.
No word I presently know seems to quite cover it.
You may have noticed that I tend not to write about work (but then nor do most of you so stop pointing the finger). However, I would like to share a moment from court today.
I was against a litigant in person. He is a likeable (and skillful) former employee of a Bangladeshi Bank. As a leathery-winged agent of evil, I was representing the bank. We were in the High Court and my opponent commenced his submissions by saying:
“You will see that I am not a lawyer and I ask for your compassion”.
That was a pretty startling opening sentence as very few people have ever suggested that they deserve sympathy for not being a lawyer. However, it got odder still. His next sentence began:
“My Lord* I would like to tell you how we see you …”
At this, his lordship shifted uneasily in his seat. Normally one does not get to tell judges how one feels about them. In fact there is a specific offence – contempt of court – which is designed to ensure you do your best to remain obsequious and to deter your from expressing frankly your feelings about judges. Personally, I yield to no advocate in my willingness to kiss judicial rear. If it will cause the judge to look fondly on my client’s case I am prepared to test the suction-resistance of his lordly posterior to destruction. However, I have never gone quite as far as my opponent went today:
” … we see you as the living embodiment of the Lord God Almighty. Justice is in your hands and we hope his divine compassion will flow through you.”
The judge paused before responding:
“I’ll do my best”
* All High Court Judges get a knighthood but are then referred to, confusingly, as “my Lord” even though they are not peers. This all leads to a story told about F E Smith (a famous advocate) which it is just about possible one or two of you may not have heard. Smith, cross-examining a witness, asks:
“So, the Defendant was as drunk as a judge”
The outraged judge intervenes:
“You are in error, Mr Smith, it is ‘as sober as a judge’, what you mean to say is ‘as drunk as a Lord'”
Smith: “If you say so my Lord”.
It will disturb you to learn that barristers think that is hilarious.