As my insanely busy work week drags on I am reduced to reposting a story from my old blog. New entry later today when I’ve got some sleep!

Scuba adventure
I have, as regular readers will know, something of a tender set of innards. A few years ago P and I went on an exotic holiday. The hotel we were staying in had a sunny beach and a well stocked fridge. P caught me taking a bottle of water. She pointed out that it would be VERY EXPENSIVE and that there was a tap in the bathroom. I slunk off and had a glass of lovely tap water. An hour or so later I began to develop stomach cramps and the inevitable holiday trots. P was an angel pointing out that I should avoid dehydration and kept a steady supply of tap water coming.

After a week of never daring to move more than 3 yards from the loo I scrambled to the doctor. “Hmm” he said “not sure what’s wrong with you – but avoid the tapwater as we’re having a drought and its full of bacteria”. I went back to the room, opened the fridge and downed a bottle of Evian.

The next day I felt well enough to try my first openwater scuba dive. 15 metres down and 20 minutes into the dive I felt a familiar stirring. Oh lordy! Now what? I figured that as I had not eaten in 6 days and we were in the sea there was a decent chance no-one was going to notice. I swam away a little and tried to look nonchalant. 2 minutes later I noticed that I was attracting a lot of attention from my fellow divers. Some were taking photographs. What, I wondered, could they be pointing at? When I looked behind me I found I had attracted a huge shoal of fish stretching back from my rear like a piscine tail, all apparently feeding dementedly. I believe I’m still known in those parts as the Deep Sea Arse Monster.