Casting out Sinners since 1635!
Dearest Brother Moobs,
Recently my brother died. Frankly, given what it must have been like living with my Sister-in-Law I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did. Now the old trout tells me that since she has no children it is up to me to … well … impregnate her. This is not a task I relish. Surely I don’t have to do this?
Yours shuddering
Brother Onan
Dear Vile Serpent
Stop your complaining and perform your duty. I should warn you that should you be imprudent enough to allow your seed to fall upon the ground you may confidently expect immediate and fatal retribution to be visited upon you. (Gen 38).
Brother Moobs
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Dearest Brother Moobs
Thank you for your earlier advice, it accords with my wife’s wishes. Given that my sister-in-law is my wife’s sister I would have thought she’d be against it but I could never fathom women.
I’ll let you know how I get on.
Brother Onan
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Oh Sinner,
As scripture makes clear, you should not take your sister’s wife as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living (Leviticus 18, v 18). Such intercourse would be unlawful.
Brother Moobs
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Dearest Brother Moobs
I would be very grateful if you could make your mind up. Do I have to sleep with the old witch or not?
Brother Onan
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Brother
This is a tricky one. I can see solutions. First, the prohibition on sleeping with your wife’s sister applies only while your wife is living. Should your wife meet with an accident and perish you would be free to do God’s will and escape damnation (just a thought). On the other hand, if your sister-in-law really is an “old witch” kindly deliver her to me and I will organise a trial and burning which, I anticipate, will resolve your dilemma.
Brother Moobs
Do you have a problem for Brother Moobs?
BURN THE SLUT! BURN THE SLUT! IN CHRIST’S NAME BURN THE SLUT!
giggled – read the comment and slipped off cahir laughing. thank you kindly Bra!
LOL! That’s exactly what I needed after a long day like today! Thanks.
I first dared to click on Moobz.com from my office earlier today and about DIED from holding in laughter. Never again, Moobs. You are too funny to be read at work!
Pure genius that is …
Kevin – the more I hear from you the more I realise you have a great mind
Lia – Brother Moobs sorts out cats too
Pickles – Brother Moobs is always there to help (unless you are an apostate or heathen)
CD – I’m blushing so hard my socks just ignited
Pog – poggle.org.uk is not registered … join us … join us
Does any of this apply to ex-husbands or wicked stepchildren? I mean, that burning thing Kev talked about? Wait. There’s no death penalty in Michigan. Never mind. ~grins~
Dearest Sister Christina
I am reasonably confident that you need not impregnate either your ex-husband or any of your step-children (in so far as that may be possible). For a stepchild to sleep with you would place them under God’s curse (Deuteronomy 27:20) and cause the people to exclaim Amen.
Once divorced your ex-husband may not marry you again (Deuteronomy 24:4). That, I suspect, may be of some comfort to you. However, I’m afraid that you will not be able to marry a priest (Leviticus 21:14). I anticipate that that may be something of a blow to you but I would urge you to accept it as God’s will and move on.
Brother Moobs
I tell you, you’re a natural. Hie thy wife to nunnery and beist thou ordained.