I am being taught to snowboard by a tiny boy with a goatee.
Tiny Boy: Next we’ll do some jumps.
Moobs: No we won’t.
TB: It’ll be awesome.
M: I will not be jumping off anything at any point.
TB: Ok. It is up to you.
M: I know. I am grateful for the opportunity that you are affording me Tiny Boy with Goatee, but just so we are clear: no jumping for me.
TB: Cool so, like, after lunch we’ll go to the terrain park and do the jumps.
M: No. We will not. I am not going to be doing jumps.
TB: Well we can go to the terrain park and the others can do some jumps off the rails and boxes and you …
M: Yes?
TB: You can do some little jumps off the rollers.
M: I am really sorry but I do not seem to be making myself clear. Under NO circumstances will I be doing any kind of jumping on my snowboard. None. I am an overweight 42 year old lawyer. The terrain park is not my natural habitat.
TB: You are 42?
M: Yes.
TB: Hey, for 42 you are doing really well.
M: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I have a feeling that Tiny Boy with Goatee was actually a 50-year-old midget trying to kill you.
Hahahahaha! That would be the script, verbatim, if I were in your, uh, ski boots.
OMG you are braver than me – I would never snowboard …well never say never it would depend on how sexy the instructor was
Hahhaaa! Tiny Boy!!! I love it!!!
I can GUARANTEE you that you’re kicking my ass on the snowboard.
This rocks. I love the apology for not making yourself clear, set against the preceding paragraphs, in which you are abundantly so.
“I am an overweight, 42-year-old lawyer.” In any story, with this one being no exception, this is the perfect sentence.
Where are you – the US? If so, I’m pretty certain you’d be justified in shooting him then and there for being patronising.
OTOH, just what are you doing learning snowboarding at your advanced age?
grrrr is the word x
Speaking of snowboarding and the elderly, we once went on a snowboarding holiday and my Pa misheard and thought for many months that we’d been on a snowballing holiday. He struggled to muster enthusiasm when I told him that Mr S was really good at it.
hee! I would like to see you on that snowboard!
I so admire you for doing this. I took one day of lessons then decided that I didn’t need to be that cool. Afterall, having seen the Police and the Clash at the Whiskey a go go when I was 12 would have to be the coolest I get.
And I can live with that.
*chuckling*