In a kafkaesque metamorphosis I have woken up as someone else. The body I now inhabit is that of a 70 year old. It took me 15 minutes to get out of bed, 15 minutes to get downstairs and the exercise of bending over to pick up my mail had ultimately to be abandoned. I am walking stooped over and mumbling constantly under my breath about aches and pains.
Disturbingly, this physical transformation appears to have been accompanied by a psychological one. I find myself craving cups of tea, unable to work the TV remote control and becoming firmly convinced that children these days are insufficiently disciplined.
I’m not yet sure whether or not to expect incontinence – I’ll keep you posted once “Meals on Wheels” has been.
Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 200 user reviews.
I’m like that every morning.
I’ve made a note to rank you as a Senior Statesman in next year’s UK Guide.
I’m so sorry you are aching, friend. Congrats on the race – and btw – I loved your interview on Crank Mama — what a pleasure to hear your voice!!
Best,
OTJ
SM – like a 70 year old MAN?
FIS – Is that part published on parchment?
OTJ – She must have used some extraordinary effects on my voice then.
Oh, I’m with you all the way. I said to my husband the other day, “God, I can’t wait until I’m retired, able to pretend I’m deaf, to shout at school kids, constant stream of tea and fruitcake, watch TV all day and that’s considered normal, look like crap and no one cares.” To which he replied, rather unsympathetically, “Retire from what?” The cheeky bugger…does he think looking after kids isn’t hard work??
Er… well, no. I meant the taking 15 minutes to get out of bed, etc, obviously.
*rolls eyes*
Does this happen to you each marathon? If it’s different, do be careful about balancing fluids and carbs for a few days. If it is like this after every marathon–what’s wrong with you?! The law practice doesn’t hurt you enough and you crave this pain?
Now get out there and put in a 5 mile run to work out the stiffness. As for the view on children these days, that’s just true so take that off the list of signs of aging.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but that happens at about 50. At least, it has in our house. You know you’ve got there when you are unable to do anything that involves physical movement without grunting. Sit down – grunt. Stand up – grunt. Get out of bed in the morning – double-loud grunt. Get into bed at night – huge sigh followed by a bit of grunting as you drop off.
The only thing to be said for gettin golder is that it beats the alternative.
cj
well it’s better than awakening from troubled dreams to discover that you’ve turned into a giant insect – probably.
Ah well. Some more of that belgian beer will fix you right up, gramps.
hmmm – severe dehydration and now you’re feeling like you’re 70 years old. Moobz, will you check with your doctor? I know you have a billion things on your head right now, but these could be symptoms of something, well, bad.
Please check it out.
Considering I have been living with a 70 year old man since the day we said ‘I do..’
I say what is it?
The warrantee is up and ‘we’ are stuck with the cricks, the moans, the groans and the endless talk of the certain death due to muscle strain…
It’s overseas too, this metamorphosis. I’m scared. *looks for pills and Ben Gay*
I sometimes suffer like that after a game of badminton, never mind a 26 mile killer-run.
Geez, you’re describing me now, minus the five-hour race thing beforehand. I’m going to be loads of fun at 70.
I have some literature and catalogs retailers & non-profits keep sending me in the mistaken notion that I am over the age of 65. Shall I mail them on to you? 😉 They contain lots of pain-reducing devices!
Now you can get the medicine that threatens (promises?) a 4 hour erection! Woo-hoo!
if you have to ask someone 37 times how to spell their city’s name and then discuss how “in your day” people spelled properly, then it is all down hill from here. Hopefully it’s just an achy day and it shall pass
Welcome to the club, my friend.
If I sneeze wrong, I throw out my back and piss my pants.