Pop music has posed a lot of questions but provided very few answers. It falls to us to fill in the blanks.
Q: “How can we sleep when our beds are burning?” (“Beds are burning” – Midnight Oil)
A: You can’t. Furthermore, you would be well advised to evacuate the bedroom.
Q: “What becomes of the broken-hearted?” (“What becomes of the broken-hearted?” – Jimmy Ruffin)
A: Commonly they form unsatisfactory relationships with rebound candidates or else slide into self-pity and alcohol abuse.
Q: “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?” (“64” – The Beatles)
A: No. I intend to leave that to Social Services.
Q: “Should I stay or should I go?” (“Should I stay or should I go?” – The Clash)
A: Your cab is here.
Help me put an end to all this rhetorical nonsense. Leave me some questions and answers in the comments.
Q: Whatchoo, watchoo want? Watchoo want? (Beastie Boys)
A: To sleep past 5:30 a.m.
Q.”Who Are YOu? – The WHo
A: The one person who didn’t like Tommy.
Q”How soon is now? – The Smiths…
A: Huh?
More will spring to mind now….
Q : ‘D’you know what I mean ?’ (Oasis)
A : Yes, but that’s not to say I approve.
Q : ‘Are you a hypnotist ?’ (Flaming Lips)
A : No.
Q : ‘Is it really so strange ?’ (The Smiths)
A : Yes.
Q : ‘What difference does it make ?’ (also The Smiths)
A : Lots.
Q : ‘How does it feel to look like candy ?’ (Swervedriver)
A : Sweet.
Surely the answer to 64 is ‘no, I’m going to divorce you and take you for every penny you’ve got’ ?
Ah I knew you wouldn’t let me down.
I can’t stop now.
Q: “War … huh … what is it good for?” (“War” – Edwin Starr)
A: Promoting the establishment of stable democratic regimes in the Middle East … apparently.
Q: “Why do I find it hard to write the next line?” (“Gold” – Spandau Ballet)
A: Your talents as a lyricist are regrettably meagre.
Q: “When will I will I be famous?” (“When will I be famous?” – Bros)
A: Let’s just say I wouldn’t hold my breath,
Q: “Please please tell me now, is there something I should know?” (“Is there something I should know” – Duran Duran)
A: At your age and weight, pouting, eyeliner and tight leather trousers merely attracts ridicule.
Q: “Do you wanna touch me?” (“Do you wanna touch me?” – Gary Glitter)
A: You never learn do you? You are under arrest.
Q: “Can I sit next to you girl?” (“Can I sit next to you?” – AC/DC)
A: In light of the restraining order you may not come closer to me than a mile and a half.
Q: “Voulez-vous (ah-hah, ah-hah)?” (“Voulez-vous” – Abba)
A: Non (ah-hah, ah-hah)
Q: “Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?” (Band Aid)
A: Possibly not, but if you send them a postcard bearing one of those rather nice Royal Mail stamps showing Santa sitting on a chimney top, they’ll realise soon enough.
Q: “Why don’t we do it in the road” (Why Don’t We Do It in the Road? – Beatles)
A: Because it’s too uncomfortable, we could be arrested, and gravel up the ass is not fun.
I had to add that I’m going through a Beatles phase right now, and although I don’t have a Q&A for this, I think it’s hilariou and I love this song.
“I’m sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair, you were in a car crash, and you lost your hair” (Don’t Pass Me By – Beatles)
Q: “Where do the children play?” (“where do the children play?” – Cat Stevens)
A: They don’t ‘play’ as such, they just hang about in bus stops and on street corners, frightening middle class people.
Q: “Do you really want to hurt me?” (“Do you really want to hurt me?” – Culture Club)
A: Why else would I have gone into dentistry?
Q: “Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?” (“Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen)
A: Mostly the former, but a little of the latter makes it all more palatable.
Q: “Can you teach me how to dance real slow?” (“American Pie” – Don McLean)
A: I’m afraid I can’t; I have two left feet and the coordination of a drunk puppy.
Q : ‘How do you sleep ?’ (John Lennon)
A : I get comfy in my bed, and become so relaxed that it just kinda happens. It’s hardly brain surgery, John.
Q : ‘Why does it always rain on me ?’ (Travis)
A : Because you’re in Scotland.
Q: “Do you like it like this? Do you like it like that?” (“Future Sex Love Sounds – JT)
A: Like what? Huh? Were you talking to me?
In honor of the recent mid-term US elections, my version of the happy dance:
Q: Hello? Is there anybody out there? … Is there anyone home? (Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb)
A: Self-evident. Particularly when speaking to the current administration.
Q: But how will I know if my time has come? (Cousteau, How Will I Know?)
A: Mr. Bush, I’m afraid we were unable to manage Virginia.
Q: Who are you and where do you come from? (Live, Mirror Song)
A: Karl? Where are you Karl?
Q: Am I the Only One? (Barenaked Ladies)
A: Er. Yes. Of course you are. You’re my king. You’re my man. You’re my stud… Umm, you know, perhaps that question should have been, am I within the first dozen?
Michael Bolton:
How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends
How can we start over when the fighting never ends
Baby, how can we make love if we can’t make amends
Tell me how we can be lovers if we can’t be,
Can’t be friends?
Me: Stop stalking me. I don’t want to be lovers or friends or start over. In the letter from my lawyer dated December 05 I told you to stop stalking me. You think that some bleeding pop song that climbs the pop charts is going to win me back. Well think again, lame brain.
Q: ‘Oh Lord, is there nothing more anybody can do?’ (“Another Day in Paradise” – Phil Collins)
A: No, Phil. Writing that song was enough. Indeed, since your Grammy-award winning single was released in 1989, world homelessness has decreased by 83%. Really.
“Q : ‘Why does it always rain on me ?’ (Travis)
A : Because you’re in Scotland.”
this one made me snort coffee out of my nose.
*snorts with laughter at last three posts*
been too busy to blog or blog read and too tired to think anything lyrical right now but thank you for making me laugh tonight… again!
Relax, get to it
When you gonna suck to it?
–Frankie Goes to Hollywood
*proud proud of American musical artistry, I am.
Rachael
“Stop, children, what’s that sound?” (Buffalo Springfield)
That’ll be the glaswegian in 217 dad. Get your bow tie on and go and have a look.
Going back on hopefulamphibian’s comment up there – Do they know it’s christmas?? – well no they dont. Because in ethiopia they celebrate christmas in January so stop playing that dam song in december.
Just being annoying.
Oh and hear’s mine
Why does it always rain on me? (Why does it always rain on me – Travis)
Well suggestion – invest in a raincoat or am umbrella – very useful devices.
Q. “Hot Potatoes, Hot Potatoes… Hot Potatoes, Hot Potatoes, Hot Potatoes, Hot Potatoes, Hot Potatoes, Hot Potatoes, Oh-oh-oh Hot Potatoes!” (“Rock Me Hot Potatoes” – by Falco c.1985)
A. Get an oven mit.
Or is it “Amadeus”?
Q. Do You Realize? – The Flaming Lips.
A. Realize what? Shut the fuck up.
Steve~
“Are Friends Electric?” (Are friends Electric, Gary Numan)
Some are but my best one runs on batteries.
“Why do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near? (Close to You, the Carpenters).
Because you smell of worms.
“Why?” (Why? Annie Lennox)
Anyone?
“Is this love that I’m feelin?” (Is this Love, Whitesnake)
Or are you just pleased to see me? (old favourite, you’ve got to…)
Q. “Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?” (Holding out for a Hero, Bonnie Tyler)
A. Scientology got them.
Q: ‘Why does my heart feel so bad?’ (Moby)
A: That would be the organic nutburger you’ve just eaten. Here, have some Rennies.
Q: “How long must we sing this song?” (U2)
A: Funny, we were just asking the same thing.
Hi Moobz,
I’m writing you here in case you didn’t get my email.. I nominated you for an ROFL award (roll on the floor laughing) award.
Check it out… either on my site or at
http://www.mommyofftherecord.blogspot.com
Cranky – thank you very much. Of course I look upon these baubles with the humility you would expect. I will respond at greater length after I have been to see the sculptor to have the statue of me crushing the blogverse beneath my heel commissioned.
Laughing at ALLLLLL of this too much to think of anything. I am sure something will pop into mind whilst driving home…
Q: “How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?” (“Blowin’ in the wind,” Bob Dylan)
A: Frankly, my friend, by saying the answer is blowin’ in the wind is really passive aggressive. Man up and get some balls.
Darn!!
Somebody took my Michael Bolton line!!
Everything has been said.
Q:What A Wonderful World? Louis Armstrong
A: That it is… That IT is
sorry it’s taken me so long to comment on this – i’ve been putting out fires with gasolene.
Q: “Do ya think I’m sexy?” (Rod Stewart)
A: Um, no.
“Hello, is it me you’re lookin’ for?” – Lionel Richie
Sorry, wrong number.
Tell me why cant this be love
Baby why cant this be love
–Van Halen
Answer: Because I just found this blog while browsing and I never fall in love on the first visit!
Hey Sucker, (what the hell’s go into you?) (Wham! Young Guns).
Who you calling Sucker?
My, but this is the thread that just keeps on giving, isn’t it ?
Q: “Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can?” (John Lennon)
A: Of course. By the way, it must be my turn now on the white piano, surely.
Q: “Britney, before you go, there’s something I want you to have…”
“Oh, it’s beautiful, but wait a minute, isn’t this…?” (Britney…”Oops I Did it Again”)
A: Yeah…yes it is…an STD and a invalid pre-nup. Yo bling bling is mine beatch!
Q: Are you gonna wait forever?
How, how long, how long?
Or is it now, now, now? (U2…”Are You Gonna Wait Forever”)
A: Um…you might want to get that stutter under control there Bono…
Lemon – it surely does. SOme of these are so good I’m already dropping them into conversation and claiming them as my own. INcluding some of yours.
Q: “Can you feel the love tonight?” (Elton John)
A: Yes dear, I can and if you don’t stop prodding me with it and get back onto your side of the bed you’ll lose it for good.
Q: “Why must I be a teenager in love?” (Bobby Vinton)
A: Because merely being spotty and hormonal would not make you miserable enough.
Q: what’s that coming over the hill? is it a monster? (the automatic)
A: no, it’s another song that sounds exactly like the last one.
Q: “Do you remember dancing in stilettos in the snow?” (Marillion, ‘Kayleigh’)
A: Yes, Fish, and I also remember that excruciatingly embarrassing trip to casualty. Never again.
Q. “What time is love?” (the KLF)
A. “6pm on a Sunday afternoon, hangover permitting.”
Q. “Why don’t you get a job?” (The Offspring)
A. “Because I’m better off on benefits with free dental treatment.”
Q. “Do you know the way to San Jose?” (Dionne Warwick)
A. “Unfortunately, the AA route finder has proved itself less than useless yet again. So, no.”
Q. “Why haven’t you blogged?” (the Loyal Readers)
A. “Because this way all you lot do all the hard work for me…”
(This one comes courtesy of my husband)
Q. “What’s new pussycat?” (Tom Jones)
A. “I’ve just done a shit on your new sofa”
Q. “Who’s that girl” (Madonna)
A. “Sorry Mrs. Richie, she’s spoken for, but we do a lovely line in little boys. Meet David….”
Q. “Can you feel it?” (The Jacksons)
A. “Not a thing – you must have put too much vodka in my can of coke and shown me one too many grot mags.”
Q. “Who’s bad?” (Michael Jackson)
A. “Pol Pot?”