Category: Uncategorized

Because I have a commendable curiosity about the world around me, I have drawn up a short questionnaire which you are obliged by Law (1) to answer. Feel free to answer on your own website and leave a link in comments. Answering the questions may help you learn a little about yourself, but I seriously doubt it. It will, however, allow me to satisfy my irrepressible beakiness.

(1) Why didn’t you think to say that at the time?

Ten minutes later you had the perfect comeback. What was it you should have said? Exact words please.

(2) A Damn Good Hiding

Have you ever hidden anything under your mattress? If so, what?

(3) Guilt Trip

Have you ever felt guilty about something for more than a year? If so, what?

(4) Mother Knows Best

Name one thing you kept secret from your mother.

(5) Missed Opportunities

Is there someone from your past who, you now wonder, might have been your great missed love? If so, what are they doing now?

(6) Poetry Please

What is the first line of the last poem you wrote?

Moobs

(1) The International Disclosure of Personal Information (Internet and Electronic Communications) (Consolidation) Regulations 2004 SI 2004 No: 5790, Regulation 5(6) and Sch 1, Chp 5, Part II Paras 13 and 43

Casting out Sinners since 1635!

Dearest Brother Moobs,

Recently my brother died. Frankly, given what it must have been like living with my Sister-in-Law I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did. Now the old trout tells me that since she has no children it is up to me to … well … impregnate her. This is not a task I relish. Surely I don’t have to do this?

Yours shuddering

Brother Onan

Dear Vile Serpent

Stop your complaining and perform your duty. I should warn you that should you be imprudent enough to allow your seed to fall upon the ground you may confidently expect immediate and fatal retribution to be visited upon you.  (Gen 38).

Brother Moobs

 

Dearest Brother Moobs

Thank you for your earlier advice, it accords with my wife’s wishes. Given that my sister-in-law is my wife’s sister I would have thought she’d be against it but I could never fathom women.

I’ll let you know how I get on.

Brother Onan

 

Oh Sinner,

As scripture makes clear, you should not take your sister’s wife as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living (Leviticus 18, v 18). Such intercourse would be unlawful.

Brother Moobs

 

Dearest Brother Moobs

I would be very grateful if you could make your mind up. Do I have to sleep with the old witch or not?

Brother Onan

 

Brother

This is a tricky one. I can see solutions. First, the prohibition on sleeping with your wife’s sister applies only while your wife is living. Should your wife meet with an accident and perish you would be free to do God’s will and escape damnation (just a thought). On the other hand, if your sister-in-law really is an “old witch” kindly deliver her to me and I will organise a trial and burning which, I anticipate, will resolve your dilemma.

Brother Moobs

Do you have a problem for Brother Moobs?

I am much loving these Bank Holiday weekends. I’m not sure I have ever really noticed them before but 3 days away from the grindstone perhaps seems more important to me than it used to. I had to go into work this morning to work on a skeleton argument for a case in Hong Kong with my Leader. Then I rushed down to Worthing for my niece’s first birthday party.

She is proof positive (as if it were needed) that there is a “Pizza Gene” in my family

What I enjoy about photgraphing kids is that their thoughts are writ large on their faces. Here she is plainly thinking “you bastard – you’re going to produce this at my 21st birthday party aren’t you?”. She is a very perceptive one year old.

Little E is also my goddaughter, Having almost reached 40 without kids you collect instead a large number of goddchildren. P and I have 9 between us. It began to become something of a joke. Friends would invite us out to dinner because they had something “important” to ask us and we’d start to feel like Bertie Wooster faced with a wedding proposal. Somehow, now the birthdays are all safely in the diary and a routine of gift-buying established, I am now most worried we won’t make double figures.