London Loves

Sometimes I wake, open one eye, take a look at London and wonder at how the old thing has let herself go. When we first met she was all glamour. In those first days together she was exciting; she was all energy and sparkle. Then I found her quiet places and learned a little of her history – the time before we met. There was, I thought, a sadness she was trying to outrun.

I suppose we got used to one another and I stopped seeing her except to register, subliminally, that the hot-pants and party frocks had become slouch-pants and work-wear.

Then tonight, coming out of a restaurant on the south bank at sunset, I saw the light on the river and the primary coloured kayaks working their way up stream. The last rays shone on the white stone of the great bridge and the shadows lengthened in the moat around the Tower. With a drink inside me I saw her again as she had been – a beautiful and complex creature that I had been under-estimating.

Er ….

Scene: The Social Worker is looking for evidence that we display the necessary competencies to become adoptive parents.

Social Worker: Do you get on well with your nephews?
M: Oh yes … the little tykes
SW: And have you developed a close bond with them?
P (intervening): Oh, he’s always touching the boys.

Er .. thanks for that …

Listen, sonny

I am being taught to snowboard by a tiny boy with a goatee.

Tiny Boy: Next we’ll do some jumps.

Moobs: No we won’t.

TB: It’ll be awesome.

M: I will not be jumping off anything at any point.

TB: Ok. It is up to you.

M: I know. I am grateful for the opportunity that you are affording me Tiny Boy with Goatee, but just so we are clear: no jumping for me.

TB: Cool so, like, after lunch we’ll go to the terrain park and do the jumps.

M: No. We will not. I am not going to be doing jumps.

TB: Well we can go to the terrain park and the others can do some jumps off the rails and boxes and you …

M: Yes?

TB: You can do some little jumps off the rollers.

M: I am really sorry but I do not seem to be making myself clear. Under NO circumstances will I be doing any kind of jumping on my snowboard. None. I am an overweight 42 year old lawyer. The terrain park is not my natural habitat.

TB: You are 42?

M: Yes.

TB: Hey, for 42 you are doing really well.

M: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr