Let me begin by saying that Children With Leukaemia is an excellent charity. I ran for them in last year’s London Marathon and found their organisation to be entirely without equal. However, what the fsck do they think they are doing sending me this (me with my weak heart and all)?
An evening with Jeremy Beadle and Su Pollard? Gouge out my eyes. No wait … who’s this? Isn’t it mystifyingly self-satisified Dave Lee Travis? And Dot Cotton from Eastenders? If only Booby Davro were here .. no no wait there he is next to Chris fucking Tarrant. Surely if you wanted anyone to turn up for your celebrity bash you’d keep these teatime celebrities’ identity a carefully guarded secret.
Otherwise you’d get killed in the rush. Imagine Paul “wherever I hang my hat – that’s a hook” Young crooning sweetly to Birds of a Fevver’s Linda Robson to the the accompaniement of the smooth jazz stylings of Messrs Kenny Lynch and Rick Wakeman. Kill me now.
