Last thoughts of the condemned

In just a few hours I will rise from my bed, rub Vaseline on my nipples, wince as my groin strain causes me to limp to the bathroom and make my way towards Blackheath for the start of the 2008 London Marathon. This will be my 5th Marathon so much of the excitement has now worn off. I know what to expect.

First, at or about mile 20 I will get dreadful cramp, mewl like a kitten and then have to walk and jog to the line whilst people shout “Come on Fat Bloke you can do it” at me encouragingly. This has happened in 75% of the Marathons in which I have participated.

Second, there will be freak weather conditions. I had 70 degree temperatures in November in New York for my first one and last year anyone wearing hair gel found their heads burst spontaneously ablaze in the 80+ degree temperatures that London got. This year we are promised rain. This means that should you tune in to the TV coverage at about 2 pm tomorrow you will get to see a sturdy man in a pink running vest being repeatedly struck by lightning as a tsunami consumes Canary Wharf.

As bolt after bolt tosses me biblically into the air, my thoughts will be of you gentle readers. Thank you for your messages for support and thanks especially to those who were able to sponsor me. Should I live I will be thanking you individually, but till then let me just say I am terribly grateful and proud to know you.

16 thoughts on “Last thoughts of the condemned”

  1. Good luck, Moobzy! I’m certain this will indeed be your biblical adventure. So… 2 hours? 2 and a half? I would love to support you but our freakin’ credit union doesn’t like the international credit card thingy ma bopper. I can only give you my love….

    Good luck! Good health! Good healing!

  2. With the weather we’ve been having up to now, added to your own freak weather attracting abilities, nothing less than a plague of frogs will satisfy the weather gods now.

    I’m just going to sit in my underground bunker until the danger has passed. So I’m sorry I won’t be cheering you on, but you know how it is: sandbags to fill, tin hat to put on, snowblower and suncream and frog repellent to track down.

    Best of British luck Moobs. I’m sure you’ll do fabulously. And my 20 quid is riding on it (erm, that JustGiving site is a bookies, right?)

  3. o dear o dear – you’re STARTING with groin strain? in that case, i’m very proud to know you. (btw, anyone who runs a marathon with hair gel on deserves to have their head spontaneously combust)
    please give us a nipple update once the pain subsides sufficiently for you to sit at a computer once again. xxx

  4. Well that is another one over.

    Unfortunately the groin strain did not resolve itself in time for the race. I thought about withdrawing but given the money people had pledged I thought I should show a bit of courage and give it a go. This meant that, unnervingly, I arrived at the start line already limping. I ran off with a very athletic looking hobbling gait and I did not think I had a cat’s chance of finishing.

    However, since it was obvious I was not going to be running any PBs I decided just to jog round and enjoy it. It was fabulous. I put away the ipod and soaked up the atmosphere. Rather than grit my teeth and beg my bladder to hold I spent 20 minutes in queues for the on course loos (The luxury! The comfort!) and pretty much stopped for lunch at Canary Wharf (an entree of granola bar and jelly beans with an engagingly robust energy drink to wash it down with).

    This completely transformed the event for me. I found I was not desperately waiting for the next mile marker to arrive and almost before I knew it I was trotting down the mall and being handed a medal.

    I worry that those of you who sponsored me may feel I got off lightly. I am able to offer some reassurance: the groin strain obviously got significantly aggravated so in addition to the usual necessity of going down stairs backwards I am today having to walk about the house by leaning against the walls. My nipples, however, are intact.

  5. Congratulations! And amazed you had the energy to update even!!! And your take on the more ‘leisurely approach’ to the marathon (surely a contradiction in itself) may wll inspire some to even give it a go themselves! Well done Mate!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *