Choke

We have just spent our second Christmas with our Big and Lil S. They got so excited about it that at one point their brains seized and they went down for a 3 hour midday nap.

In the run up to Christmas, Big S was doing some processing. When she was younger some dramatic and unwelcome events happened at Christmas. From time to time she would sidle up to one of us and start talking about her foster mums and her birth mother. Then one morning I came down and she handed me a small envelope. In it was a card and this is what the card said:

Big S's card.

A wish

Lil S was sat on my lap this evening as we made plasticine crocodiles. She started to shape a ball of green dough with a plastic knife.

She looked up at me and said “Daddy, you can only do this when you are four. When will you be four?”

I explained that we only get to be four once and then felt unaccountably wistful. How great it would be to be four and Lil S’s friend. How fantastic to be bumbling along discovering the world together.

Oh, the things we cannot have.