You may have noticed that I tend not to write about work (but then nor do most of you so stop pointing the finger). However, I would like to share a moment from court today.<\/p>\n
I was against a litigant in person. He is a likeable (and skillful) former employee of a Bangladeshi Bank. As a leathery-winged agent of evil, I was representing the bank. We were in the High Court and my opponent commenced his submissions by saying:<\/p>\n
“You will see that I am not a lawyer and I ask for your compassion”.<\/p>\n
That was a pretty startling opening sentence as very few people have ever suggested that they deserve sympathy for not<\/strong> being a lawyer. However, it got odder still. His next sentence began:<\/p>\n “My Lord* I would like to tell you how we see you …”<\/p>\n At this, his lordship shifted uneasily in his seat. Normally one does not get to tell judges how one feels about them. In fact there is a specific offence – contempt of court – which is designed to ensure you do your best to remain obsequious and to deter your from expressing frankly your feelings about judges. Personally, I yield to no advocate in my willingness to kiss judicial rear. If it will cause the judge to look fondly on my client’s case I am prepared to test the suction-resistance of his lordly posterior to destruction. However, I have never gone quite as far as my opponent went today:<\/p>\n ” … we see you as the living embodiment of the Lord God Almighty. Justice is in your hands and we hope his divine compassion will flow through you.”<\/p>\n The judge paused before responding:<\/p>\n “I’ll do my best”<\/p>\n * All High Court Judges get a knighthood but are then referred to, confusingly, as “my Lord” even though they are not peers. This all leads to a story told about F E Smith (a famous advocate) which it is just about possible one or two of you may not have heard. Smith, cross-examining a witness, asks:<\/p>\n “So, the Defendant was as drunk as a judge”<\/p>\n The outraged judge intervenes:<\/p>\n “You are in error, Mr Smith, it is ‘as sober as a judge’, what you mean to say is ‘as drunk as a Lord'”<\/p>\n Smith: “If you say so my Lord”.<\/p>\n It will disturb you to learn that barristers think that is hilarious.<\/p>\n \n